What is happening...?

Where is your passion?

Why don't you care?

Are you really satisfied with where you're at?

You say one thing but your life calls you a liar.

I'm not angry...I'm worried

Worried for your joy.

Worry that you settle.

Worry that you'll miss it.

Why not take that chance?

Why play it safe?

What is happening...?

Lord help me.

Face to Face with Reality: Part 3

being a nominal believer is easy. It's frustrating, but it's fairly easy. What i mean is that doing things for the sake of doing things is simple - there's not much conviction for you to stand on, once you finish your tasks you can simply move on, you can always pawn off your failures onto other people's lives. It's easy. The Gospel of Jesus is never easy. Hmmm...let me clarify because Jesus does say that his yoke was easy and his burden was light. Yes his path for salvation is simple and easy.We acknowledge who we are in light of who he is and we come and fall a this feet. His discipleship, however, isn't. And if we really take Him seriously...and we really understands what he has called us to then our faith becomes significantly more difficult. I'm not saying that it's the worse thing in the world and you want to shoot yourself in the eyeball bad...i'm saying that the journey is tough - some survive and some don't (if you know what i mean). 

I say all these things to you because what is at stake is your joy. Joy? That sounds weird because that is not what we've been used to hearing at church huh? Nobody talked to me about joy...it was about quiet times,and prayer sessions. But joy comes from a lifestyle of worship - when Jesus begins to penetrate every aspect of life (from your relationship,the way you view people, the way you spend money, to whatever). I realize that i don't live this way too often...i don't. And as much as i like to say to others that i do, it's probably like 30% of the time. But i'lll tell you what...when i follow Jesus and what he says he proves tobe faithful and my joy increases. You know who Jesus always goes to thosewho need him the most? like he goes to the prostitutes, the homeless, the sick...well so i tried to do what he did one day and this and that happened and i'm actually waiting for one of my homeless friends to get cleaned up and showered. For the life of me, i couldn't have figured that i would do anything like this...but he was in need and we had resources. You know i have no clue how this is going to turnout - i mean i was told by friends that i was a fool for doing this and i have been warned by many people of "these people". I get theirpoint of view but in the end the command to follow Jesus out-weighs their opinions and in this case, it is quite clear. So yeah...i suppose we'll see what happens in this situation.

All to say...things look a lot different when Jesus is involved in religion. I ask you - how seriously do you take this faith of yours? Are there things you've been neglecting? Are there things that you need to be chasing that you aren't? Do you taste joy in your journey? Not happiness...but joy? 

Doubting Me: When doubts cloud your faith

i think there are times in one's life when they're confronted with the question "what the crap do i believe?" honestly, i was just like you and i hadbeen doing this "religious" thing all my life until my junior yearin HS and i sat there and went "man...i honestly have no clue what i believe or why i do the things that i do". Because honestly, churchfelt like a whole bunch of rules and nonsense that was put onto us by bitter people that wanted us to act like them. So i went off and triedto figure out what i really believe - whether or not this whole "christian"thing was legit. And i'll tell you it took awhile until i found out an answer...like i went to ask a bunch of people why they believed what they believedand it's funny cuz most people themselves don't know. 

I probably came to a realization that eventually i'm going to die andthat there's probably some kind of judgment waiting for me...and i'mprobably screwed because of who i am and what i've done. And i realizedthat i'm further screwed because there's no way i could ever fix myselfand get "good enough". And that's when it hit me...that i'm not and iwon't ever be BUT Jesus actually died for me and for my place. An undeserved death that was meant for me he now bears on his shoulders. It's weird because i heard that message for a long time but never reallyunderstood what it meant. It took me a good time to understand it, andsome more time to believe it to be true. After that it took me evenmore time to decide that i was going to follow after this Jesus no matterwhat it took - that's why i'm doing what i do. 

So here's the thing. Eventually you're going to have to ask yourselfthose questions - what do you believe, why do you believe it, and whatdoes that mean for your life? It is ok to doubt...please, i think if youhaven't doubted then you really don't take your faith that seriously because you haven't really challenged yourself. But know this, I and manyothers are there for you on this journey so you dont have to walk it alone. Whatever you need please let me know. 

Wisdom from Driscoll

1. I need to transition from caring for all people to ensuring they were all cared for by raising up elders, deacons, and church members.

2. I need to transition from being everyone's pastor to being the missiologist-preacher who led the church from the Bible in the pulpit.

3. I need to stop doing most of the work I was doing and deploy more elders and deacons to manage church members who would do the work of the ministry.

4. I need to transition from working both in the church and on the church to almost exclusively working on the church, continually making plans to connect the Bible with our culture, like Paul did as a missiologist-apostle.

5. Our internal and external church communication needed to transition from informal and oral to written and formal, which would include me writing lots of email templates, booklets, and position papers to inform our people.

6. We needed to transition our people from a survivalist mentality that focused on the present to a settler mentality that focused on a lasting legacy.

7. We needed our people to accept that we would be a very large church.

8. We needed to ensure that in the tension between caring for Christians and reaching non-Christians, evangelism continually remained our highest priority.

9. We needed to accept the fact that some people would feel less connected to my family and me, experience displacement, and leave the church.

10. My wife and I needed to reserve the right to select our own friends without feeling personally obligated to everyone in the church.

"Confessions of Reformission Rev." Mark Driscoll pg 150-151.

Fools!

About a week ago i attended my alma mater up in fort worth, texas. A couple of my fellow classmates were graduating from seminary and i went to cheer them on. And it's funny how God continues to push you when you're standing there and there's that constant reassuring thought the Holy Spirit blesses you with. I think recently ministry has taken a toll on my soul (nice rhyme) and i continue to wonder if i'm really cut out to do ministry. Like there are some days when i'm at the office and i wonder "why am i doing this? i'm not as good as i thought i was...the youth don't seem to be growing...blah blah blah" and i go into this self-loathing pity party. Ha. Talk about depravity right? But this is me.

So i get up to seminary and i was just expecting to sit through a typical graduation sermon, sing 2 songs, pray, and watch my friends walk. The president reads

1 Corinthians 15:12-17 12 Now if Christ is proclaimed as raised from the dead, how can some of you say that there is no resurrection of the dead? 13 But if there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised. 14 And if Christ has not been raised, then our preaching is in vain and your faith is in vain. 15 We are even found to be misrepresenting God, because we testified about God that he raised Christ, whom he did not raise if it is true that the dead are not raised. 16 For if the dead are not raised, not even Christ has been raised. 17 And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile and you are still in your sins.

We are fools in the eyes of many because of our faith. It is futile in it's methods and means. We use this God in heaven and this Jesus fellow as a crutch to get through life. We are fools because our ethic is counter-cultural and we get exploited, used, and crushed. We are fools because we believe that there's something else out there other than this world. We are fools because we believe God in the flesh live

1 Corinthians 15:20-24 20 But in fact Christ has been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. 21 For as by a man came death, by a man has come also the resurrection of the dead. 22 For as in Adam all die, so also in Christ shall all be made alive. 23 But each in his own order: Christ the firstfruits, then at his coming those who belong to Christ. 24 Then comes the end, when he delivers the kingdom to God the Father after destroying every rule and every authority and power.

But. It hit me like a monkey crossing a bridge in July with a snowcone. Our faith is useless, worthless, worthy of being mocked, UNLESS it is true. Something swelled inside of my soul to think of the implications. We are no longer fools for becoming ministers, missionaries, equipped biblically...we find ourselves doing and in essence, being, the very agent that God has intended us to be. The question I find myself asking now is "How seriously do I take this Jesus and what he says? Is it a feel-good, once-a-week lesson? Or is Jesus really coming back one day and ask us what we did with our time, talents, and resources? Do i really trust that his way for life is better than popular culture's?" No friends, we are not fools...for many have tasted what is genuine conversion and they have not been able to recover. I find myself humbly in this line of "fools" for i have nothing intrinsically valuable, nor do i have the knowledge needed to succeed in this life...so i play the part of a "fool" in the eyes of the world and "redeemed, forgiven, justified, holy" in the eyes of my King.

Face to Face with Reality: Part 2

I think the easiest thing about being a church-goer was that there wasn't really anything to it. Like go and attend and that's pretty much it. I mean, people would tell me what to do and what not to do...but for the most part I never really cared about what they said. And I expose this part of my journey because I think many of us are here. Where it's easy to believe certain things and even pretend to abide by them but there's something drastically different between knowing something and acting upon it.

Saturday night rolled around and like most Saturdays i'm trying to prepare my mind for the long and exhausting Sunday that is to come. All of the sudden I get a call from an unknown Houston number. I don't think about it and I answer it. "Hey...is Justin there?" the caller asks. "Yeah, this is Justin...what's up?" "It's Michael...the homeless guy." At first i had no clue what was going on and honestly, i thought one of my youth was pulling a prank call on me. But then i realized that i had given this homeless guy my business card with my number on it. We chat for awhile and I was trying to figure out what he was calling about and more importantly what for. He really didn't say much...just that he was having a tough week and out of nowhere i go, "Hey man...what are you doing tomorrow? Would you want to go to church with me?" And i'm not really sure what made me do it but I just felt that perhaps i might be able to talk to him in person. But funny enough he goes "alright" and i tell him where our church is located and i feel bad about this next part. He goes "wait a minute...i need to write the directions on the back of my sign". And at that moment i tell him to forget it and i'll just pick him up and drive him to church.

I hang up the phone and my mind kind of goes all over the place. 1) because i've never done anything like this and 2) i start thinking about the "what ifs". The biggest thing that continue to filter into my mind was "what if the church doesn't receive him?" Like i'll play his side and i know scripture time and time again commands us to practice hospitality and to show love to the world - and this was definitely it. I knew in my gut that this is what i was supposed to do biblically. And i think this is going to have to be my filter for the rest of my decisions for the rest of my life. Because that night as i was trying to put a handle of the situation many people were telling me that this wasn't a "wise" idea because "what if the church isn't ready for him? what if he's dirty and smelly? what if he endangers people?" Just a week ago someone came up to me and told me that they found people smoking on our property that attended some of our church events. And they were furious with the situation and wanted us to kick them out because "it might ruin the reputation of our church and this isn't who we are". I kind of stood there and was just dumbfounded. Wait...this isn't the church? Seriously? You're telling me that we're only supposed to take care of people when it's convienent for us? My first impulse was to go to scripture and there i found the parable of the good samaritan. What you have is a man trying to justify himself with religion and the hard in-your-face question that is addressed is "who is my neighbor?". I read that story and i realize that the samaritan (the one who helps in the story) he's put in an unreal situation. Already two religious, powerful men pass by the beat-stranger and yet the samaritan stops, puts him in his car...drives him to the nearest hotel and stays with him over night. Can you imagine that? Do you know what my momma would do to me if i told her i did something like that? But yet the parable conveys the lesson - your neighbor is ANYONE that is in need.

Sorry, back to my story. I talk with Tina about it and though she understands where i'm coming from and the biblical rendering she still worries for my safety. Which...i'm alright with. So i ask Brandon to follow me in the morning in his car. We get there at 8:45 at his "place" and he comes out and the first thing i notice is that he had a can of beer in his hand. I didn't say anything about it, nor would i have, but he goes "man...i'm sorry. I don't mean to offend you by bringing this beer" I guess he thought beer offends christians. So he puts down the beer and he apologizes once again and pulls out another beer from his pocket. haha...i couldn't have cared less but it just makes for a funny story. Anyways i ask him if it would be alright if brandon and i just go to breakfast to just chat. And so we spend the morning over chorizo and listening to his story. The first thing i notice about him was the smell and even after dropping him off for the day my car still smelled as such. And you know...it's not pleasant, but it's reality right?

You know...after breakfast and just chatting with brandon about the whole morning and experience made me think a lot about life, christianity, and homeless people. I think a lot of time we like to compartamentalize these three and i found myself forgetting a lot of lessons that i've learned throughout life about this. But i told myself i'd try to remember, so i'm writing these lessons down...in part 3

Face to Face with Reality: Part 1

It's easy to gather information but it's crazy difficult to apply what you learn & believe.

Last Friday i was coming back from the gym on my way to work. I had not eaten anything so i wanted to pick up some food before i got back to the office. And it's weird because there's only fast-food restaurants between the gym and church so i pass up a MCstomach ache and went to Sonic. By the way, they're $1 menu is catching up with the rest of the fast-food world (i recommend the frito wrap). Well so i order and i'm sitting there at a light and out of my window i see a homeless dude with a sign. Recently, at church we've been talking about missions and how we're constantly on missions and that God has given us our talents, abilities, and resources for pushing back the darkness. And so looking at this guy i reached down and grabbed my lunch and rolled down my window and go "Hey man! I got lunch for you!" When he walks over to my car the first thing i notice is how his skin is kind of worn out from the sun and how it peels. I give my lunch to him and because that was all i cared to do for the man i started to roll up my window. But before i could get it up all the way he asks me, "What's your name?" Honestly, i wanted to just drive away and feel good about myself for feeding a homeless dude. I didn't want to chit chat nor did i want to risk the chance of getting jacked in the face by some random stranger. Nevertheless I tell him my name and he asked me what I did. I responded "Youth Pastor" which again God used to humble me. And then he proceeded to tell me how grateful he was that there are people in the world like me and for some reason (I don't know why) I pull out my business card and go "Well...here's my card and if you need something let me know". I swear that was the longest i've ever spoken to a homeless man. I roll up my window and take off and really didn't expect much. That was until Saturday night...

a nominal christian

"a nominal christian is content with proving the way of salvation by a crucified Redeemer. But the true Christian loves it, delights in it, glories in it, and shudders at the very thought of glorying in anything else...Let all your joys flow from the contemplation of his cross"

Charles Simeon

Before you judge me...

I was asked by our church council to detail out everything that I did at my job. And i was afraid of doing this because i don't want to solicit sympathy nor do i want to invoke pride. I was heckled by people that said youth ministry was "easy", that i don't do anything, or that they can do a better job. I don't know if you can or cannot...i'm just saying that you take a look at this before you judge me. This is what swirls my mind every day that i'm held accountable for:

Church Proper:

• Staff Meetings
• Deacon's Meetings
• Setup/Cleanup
  
• Open/Close building
• Preaching & teaching
• Major events
  

Youth Ministry:

• Prepare, implement, and execute Sunday school curriculum
• Prepare, implement, and execute philosophy & vision
  
• Prepare, implement, and execute Small Groups
• Oversee ACCESS (Middle school ministries)
• Equip and train Sunday school teachers
  
• Equip and train ACCESS leaders
• Equip and train Administration team
• Equip and train Servant team
• Equip and train Junior Servant team
• Discipleship with High school students
• Discipleship with Middle school students
• Parents Ministry: Equip and train parents
  
• Parents Ministry: Communication & networking
• Prepare, implement, and execute Missions Trip
• Prepare, implement, and execute Summer Camp
• Prepare, implement, and execute Winter Retreat
• Prepare, implement, and execute Fall, Spring, and Summer Event
• Provide counseling & recovery for youth
• Provide counseling & recovery for youth leader
  
• Provide counseling & recovery for parents
• Update communications
• Network with Chinese church association
• Network with Jersey Village association
• Network with Baptist association
• Provide support for college leaders
• Provide support for missionaries & seminarians
• Recruit new Sunday school teachers
• Recruit new discipleship leaders
• Recruit new accountability leaders
• Recruit new administration leaders
• Plan for future events, leadership, and students
  

Study:

• Hermeneutic of Scripture
• Hermeneutic of Church history
• Hermeneutic of Systematic Theology
• Study of Pop Culture
• Study of News
• Study of Religion

Personal:

• Discipleship
• Mentorship
• Accountability
• Exercise
• Networking
• Missions
• Sabbath
• Relationship
• Family
• Finances & Equity
  

emotional draino

hey...i don't really know why the Holy Spirit prompted me to write you but i suppose i can't tell yall to be open and honest and i not do the same. I guess i'm writing moreso to ask that ya'll would pray for me. After today i just felt tremendously emotionally and spiritually drained. There are days when i feel like i am single-handedly destroying this youth program or i'm not doing enough. Today is one of those days - where i find it almost impossible to do a good job and please everyone. i don't know why but i can't shake the feeling that i'm letting a lot of people down and somewhere spiritually, i feel that there are those who disprove of how the things are going in this youth group. For that i apologize but i feel like i'm running on empty. But I shall work as hard as i know how. So yeah...if you could just bear with me for a little longer and pray for me. Maybe this is me asking for help or people to come alongside and walk with me. So please lift me up in your prayers. And in the end, i know that this youth ministry isn't about me nor my efforts but what God decides to do...pray that i understand that. Pray that i will continue to work hard and be faithful to what he called me to. Thanks.

Selling Out: When Push Comes to Smackdown

What happens when your faith collides with practicality? I realized that claiming to be "christian" and living out and believing it whole-heartedly are two completely different animals. We're going through a difficult time in our church right now. And if i can give you some background it might help you grasp the fullness of what's going on. Awhile back we hired our pastor to be our senior interim pastor...(he's been on for about a year now). He's a solid guy, great teacher and mentor. Before he even applied for the position he made it very clear that he was a calvinist in doctrine. So a month ago (maybe more) he started to preach on ephesians line by line. And because people had asked him to become our permanent senior pastor he thought it would be good to teach the doctrines of calvinism to the church at whole. So they had a weekend where they invited a speaker to explain what this was. Unfortunately things went south very fast - people misunderstood what they were teaching and there began a huge ordeal. It got so bad to the point where i was asked not to teach on calvinsim to the youth and to pull all my documents off the youth website regarding these things. Fast-forward 3 weeks and we're at a meeting and 2 very emotional folk said "i don't know why we're talking about calvinism...this is NOT what we believe as a church...we don't need to learn this stuff" So this is kinda the climate of the church right now. You have members in the congregation saying, "this is who we've been for all these years...and we don't need to learn anything new" and the rest of the congregation not really knowing anything about this stuff. Here are my opinions:

1. You must teach the full counsel of scripture. The bible is not there for us to pick and choose what we like and what we don't like. By them telling me not to teach on certain topics or words such as "predestination" and "election" they're cutting a bulk of scripture and saying "it's too controversial to discuss". So you're telling me to teach a watered-down version of what our hope and faith is based on?

2. You have to be willing to learn history. Many of the people really heard the phrase "calvinism" for the first time in their life this past month which tells me several things - one, we're not doing a good job as teachers teaching them about our scriptures and about our history. two, these people are not willing to learn on their own and to grow deep.

3. Primary/Secondary issues: Primary issues are those that you leave a church over - salvation, Jesus, the bible, God, trinity. Secondary are differences - methods. Although calvinism/arminianism are secondary issues for a lot of people i find it hard for to make it so as a pastor of the church. On the congregational level it is ok to disagree over secondary issues. However, on the pastoral level...you MUST be united in doctrine and philosophy of ministry. Why? because you can't have one pastor teaching one thing and his convictions and another teaching their views. The church either splits in doctrine or "maintains" status quo.

*it puts me in a hard position because if the church decides to avoid both sides then i'm limited to what i can/cannot teach...which ultimately i'm not teaching the full counsel of scripture. And in the end God will be the one who holds me accountable...which is far scarier than offending people. This might seem like an over-reaction but i think once you understand these doctrines you'll understand that i see everything through the lenses of scripture...that it affects how i do ministry and teach. And it's not calvinism on one side and arminianism on the other...i'm telling you to take scripture as a whole...examine it and let the text be the text. This is why you have to read your stuff...this is why you have to study.

The Call To The Ministry: C.H. Spurgeon

How may a young man know whether he is called or not?

1. The first sign of the heavenly calling is an intense, all-absorbing desire for the work. In order to a true call to the ministry there must be an irresistible, overwhelming craving and raging thirst for telling to others what God has done to our own souls; what if I call it a kind of storge, such as birds have for rearing their young when the season is come; when the mother-bird would sooner die than leave her nest...(Do not enter the ministry if you can help it)

2. In the second place, combined with the earnest desire to become a pastor, there must be aptness to teach and some measure of the other qualities needful for the office of a public instructor. A man to prove his call must make a successful trial of these...

3. In order further prove a man's call, after a little exercise of his gifts, such as I have already spoken of, he must see a measure of conversion-work going on under his efforts, or he may conclude that he has made a mistake, and, therefore, may go back by the best way he can...

4. A step beyond all this is, however, needful in our enquiry. The will of the Lord concerning pastors is made known through the prayerful judgment of His Church. It is neeful as a proof of your vocation that your preaching should be acceptable to the people of God...

Spurgeon, C.H. Lecture To My Students. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1954.

From the Church to the Church | A Testimony by: Justin Wong

The Path to Nowhere Fast: There’s a part of me that chuckles when I stop and realize where I am in life. Growing up in an overtly religious context of Southern Baptistism, I was quickly immersed in “all things Christian” straight out of the womb. In one hand I would have strained beans and in the other I would have a baby New Testament.

My parents came as immigrants from Hong Kong looking for an American education at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. It was my mother who wanted to pursue her Master’s in church music and my father followed her and decided “Oh well, I might as well get a degree while I’m here”. Ironically enough, it was my dad who decided to pursue the whole ministry deal. And in the middle of studying Greek exegesis and surviving off of Church's Fried Chicken, my parents graciously allowed me to join the journey (if you know what I mean). It turned out that I would come back to the same seminary, almost the same apartment, that I was raised in (but more on that later).

As a pastor’s kid I saw “The Game”. I learned very quickly the in’s and out’s of church polity and religionism. I knew you were supposed to call everyone sir and ma’am (well “uncle” and “aunt” in our Chinese world) and you were never supposed to talk back to deacons. This was my path for 12-13 years…I mean my folks were pastor people, I really couldn’t do much else.

So I did what every typical pimple-faced, adolescent growing up in church did – youth camps, bible studies, DNow. I must have collected like 29081 t-shirts and bibles during this time. I honestly thought that that was what Christianity and Jesus was all about. It was a collection of bible stories about these heroes in the Bible, not cursing in church, not smoking pot, not talking back to deacons, and memorizing “Friends are friends forever”. And the thing was I pulled that façade off perfectly. I mean, I knew what to say, what not to say, how to dress, and pretty much play the game. But soon enough it got really exhausting really fast. You know that feeling where you can do something on the outside but inside, you knew you were a liar? Or you get to a place where you’re just doing things for the sake of doing things? I hated that feeling. It felt like a perpetual cycle of selling out, but the worst part about it was that I didn’t know what to do about it. Little did I know, my frustration with church and religion was about to lead me down another path.

Captivated: God revealed himself to me late into my junior year of high school. After learning and understanding all the facts for so long, the Holy Spirit struck a chord with me and it was over. What I mean is that Jesus became a real person to me; I actually & literally trusted that he died to bear my sins. At that moment, I realized my life was completely empty and wholly frustrating and I knew that nothing on this earth really brought fulfillment. But in the person and life of Jesus I found that. I finally knew him; not just know about him. As I look back at my “conversion” experience, it’s always interesting because I realize that it is not about understanding, but rather the working of a sovereign God calling me as his child to himself despite who I was. And who would have known right? I mean, growing up as a pastor’s kid, people would just assume that I floated around with the Holy Spirit and had audible conversations with Jesus. It isn’t like that though…apparently, that was my time and God captivated my heart, unveiled my eyes, and drew me unto himself.

Baggage, Drama, and Frustration: And here comes the irony. Even though Christ saved me and redeemed me there was all this “baggage” I carried with me from my past. It was so confusing though because in church we would hear of these testimonies that once Christ saved you, you would never struggle again and all your problems would be gone. But for me the story went a lot differently. I mean, Christ saved me yes but all of that “baggage” was still there…which frustrated me even more.

The thing with growing up in church and as a pastor’s kid is that you see every facet of the church world. You don’t attend once a week and that’s it. It’s every day – meetings, fellowship, camps, bible studies, and phone calls like none other. And my sister and I experienced the drama of church at a very early age. We would hear members of our church call and leave messages on our answering machine telling my dad just how lousy a pastor he was and that he should quit. And I remember thinking to myself, “What in the world!? Stupid sheep biting its shepherd that’s leading them?” And I see it all over the place in the church world (any everywhere else I suppose). Why? Because it’s so easy to criticize when you’re not the one who’s responsible. It’s pride right? “I can do things better than that that. Even though I have no experience or studying, everyone should listen to me because I sit back and just talk without any action”. I suppose it is Romans 1 being manifested on a human-to-human level. I got so frustrated with church people. I did. And the more I saw it and honestly, the more I saw my dad not fight back and take it, the angrier I got with the church. I remember thinking, “I love God and will follow Jesus…but there’s no way I’m ever going to be a pastor”. No way. It’s a lot of mess without any reward (more on this later). So I headed out to do what every typical Chinese-American is meant to do – medicine.

Our family wasn’t of the elite social strata (well I mean, my dad was a pastor my whole life and my mother was a part-time piano teacher) so finances were always tight in our household. So I applied to Houston Baptist University the spring semester of my senior year of high school. Yes, I know that wasn’t the most responsible thing to do (Seniors, apply early) I knew that they offered a sweet scholarship for pastor’s kids and I had the chance to stay home and save money. I was all set in my biology/business major and the plan was to get out in four and apply to medical school and make billions (just kidding…gajillions)

Joining the Fight: This time it was my junior year of undergraduate when God decided to take me for a spin. By this time my parents had left our home church in Houston and pursued a starting church in Atlanta, Georgia. Chinese Baptist Church in Houston had been without a youth pastor for a good 6 years and because my friends and I grew up in youth ministry, it was appropriate that the church would ask us to help out. So we did. We started to plan events for the youth group, teach bible studies, and lead small groups. And the funny thing was that I smelled it coming - this ministry thing. I was like “Uh oh…they’re going to suck me in and then I’ll have to be a pastor and then I’ll have to get a comb-over.”I fought it off as long as I could, but during a winter retreat back in 2002 that I had organized I stood in the back of the room during worship and looked over the youth and thought to myself, “If I could do this for a living, I would”. And so I joined the fight.

When God called me into the ministry it wasn’t a calling to a job or a career. I had all these reservations that I had to ponder and fight though. “How am I going to survive financially? Don’t you remember what happened to your parents? Do you even know anything about the Bible?” Tough call. I think if you study biblical leadership and historical callings of men and women who went into the ministry, they realized that they couldn’t do anything else but go into the ministry. For me it was the same way…it was the most satisfying, efficient, and effective thing I could do. So when God called me into the ministry, he called (and equipped) me specifically to fulfill the role of the pastor. This isn’t a position at a business, it’s not a default, back-up role that you just so-happen to assume, but it’s a divine calling placed on someone’s life. I don’t know how many times I come across people who think being a pastor is taking on a job. For me it is a calling placed on my life from God to dedicate the rest of my time to equipping the saints for the works of service. It is a hard, humiliating, prophet-esque, grateful position that I wouldn’t ever pass up.

Positioning Myself: I can remember a time in my walk where everything was so peaceful and I felt so connected. But recently I have yet to feel that experience and I wonder why. Like the early gusto of my faith has faded into routine and meetings (it’s always meetings that do it to you) I know that I am to position myself under the waterfall of God but I know I am lazy. I'm too lazy to study scripture at times and too lazy to listen to sermons (those that have historically brought me to that place). So maybe I’m just making excuses for me not wanting to be there and instead I just want an instant quick-fix. Are you like that? Have you been positioning yourself or do you want a quick fix? Are there sins of commission and sins of omission that you have been avoiding/committing? Do you know what you ought to do and yet refuse it? Is that what is really going on? It is for me friend. I'm lazy right now and I can justify it till the monkeys fall off the tree. But I know this stuff doesn't come without work. And now I realize that it truly is my joy that is at stake. And i've heard it time and time again but Jesus really does line you up with how things are...how things are created...and it truly is the best possible life that we're chasing. The fracture happened at Genesis 3 with sin and Jesus stands in that gap and now we look towards him for that fulfillment.

The Weight of Pastoring: I feel like sometimes it’s just easier to quit. I sit here and find myself completely overwhelmed with the pressures and anxieties of ministry. It’s always meeting after meeting and event after event. And what’s frustrating is that I can see other people’s ministry and I see that it works – like people are coming to know Jesus and not just church. They’re being connected with one another and it seems so well-functioned. And I’m like “I wish we were there…” But I think God continues to show me more of himself in this. And the more I complain the more God just says, “Do you have short-term memory or something? Look at all the things I have blessed you with and all the moments where I shone brightest”. It’s so true though. I can’t do anything else now…believe me, I tried to step away and go another direction. But in my heart and in my mind I know that for me, this is it. You know that feeling when you’ve experienced something and you can’t recover from it? I think that is how I am on this journey. I have experienced just a little bit of Jesus and I can’t settle for anything less. There is joy in that though…and perhaps I’ll be able to get to that point in my life where I count it all but loss and would rather to depart and be with the King. I mean, my mind is there…but my heart is still inconsistent with it. Until then I continue to have faith guide my feet and wisdom guide my heart…for great is our Lord Jesus who has overcome the world.

"Open Your Bibles"

Open Your Bibles: In the fall semester of my first year at Seminary I was able to take New Testament I by Dr. John Taylor. It was probably one of the bigger classes with about 50 something students but still I didn’t know anyone. I sat in the back with the rest of the “younger guys” in the classroom. There were probably 5 girls there I think and the rest were a mix of guys. Some of them were in suits, some looked like my dad, and others seemed as though they were straight out of college. I remember one day in class the guy behind me wore sandals and would always prop his feet on the back of my chair legs and it was game over for me (but that’s another story). Anyways, so this one day Dr. Taylor…actually I think this was the first day of class…he tells us to all stand up. I had no clue what he was doing…I seriously thought we were going to pledge allegiance to the flag or something. But he goes, “Alright, grab your bibles” and out of nowhere he starts reading. The thing is that he never told us where he was so I’m looking around going “uhh…what’s going on?” He pauses and says, “Alright, when you know where I’m reading from go ahead and read along and then you can sit down…but until then, stay standing”. Mad chaos breaks out in the room…you see dudes just start sweating and flipping like all over the place. I felt bad for the people who didn’t bring their bibles. I pick up words like “Jesus” and “grace” and go “Alright, well at least it’s New Testament”. Couple minutes later the first guy sits down. Panic. It’s that feeling when you’re taking a test and the first guy gets up and turns in your paper and all of the sudden it’s like a competition. Few minutes pass and several other sits down. I catch more words like “slave” and “sin” and by the grace of God I flip to where he was at after a few more minutes. After 10 minutes Dr. Taylor stops and looks up and there’s like 1/3 of the class still searching their bibles for this passage. He had gone through like 4-5 chapters by this time and I won’t forget what he said. “This is your Bible. You should know this like it’s the only thing there is. You’re going to be pastors and teachers and you should be ashamed of yourselves.” I remember from that day on I made it a commitment to really know my stuff. I mean, we’re told to read our bibles and whatever but to really know it is something totally different. And there’s something I’ve realized throughout the years…those men and women who really have an impact on culture and transform this world for Christ…they really really really know their stuff. And they don’t just know their scripture but they want to know it. Does that make sense? Like it’s not a chore for them…they actually incorporate it in their every day conversations and lives. It’s the whole “I have stored up your word in my heart…teach me your statues…in the way of your testimonies I delight”

Foreign Territory: Part 1

This past Monday i had a chance to attend a bible study. Little did I know it was going to be an all-ladies Beth Moore Bible Study. Wait, let me preface this with saying that i was invited to this by several friends. It's not like me to randomly crash girl bible studies. Well...so the bible study starts at 6:30pm and because church is so close i leave around 6:15. When i get closer i realize that parking is going to be nuts. There's this huge line of cars waiting to get in. I make a right into the street where the church is located but all the lots are full. Thank God...i can just play it off as if i couldn't find a parking spot. So i pull out of my phone to call my friend and be like "Hey, i don't think i can find a spot. I guess i'll meet up with you...." All of the sudden the crossing guard flags me into the nearest parking lot. Awesome. I'm pulling into a parking lot filled with soccer mom cars and i'm thinking "this is crazy Justin. What did you get yourself into now?" I park and get out of the car and immediately find myself swarmed admist handbags and smelly lotion. I follow several thousand ponytails to the church where i'm trying to play it off like i'm there for basketball (but i have this bible in my arm - good one). I get inside and i start frantically calling for my friend. I don't want to be that guy who walks into a girls bible study looking for a bunch of girls. Haha...sounds shady enough. So imagine this...before i get to the door of the sanctuary (First Baptist Church mind you) i hear music going off and i open and bam! it hits me...biggest mistake of my life. I scan the room and there's like 20395810 women there and i'm "that guy" who decides to attend. Thankfully my friends find me right when i get there and thankfully they're sitting relatively high and thankfully i'm invisible (wait, not the last one).

We find our seats and the extremely charismatic worship leader (who looks like Wanda Sykes) is just getting after it. I look around and all these thoughts are going through my head. My first thought was "I wonder if these women are uncomfortable with men here?" I mean, granted i'm not the only guy (thank God) but this is a women's bible study. Surely one of them are thinking "Uuggg, what is he doing here?" But after that thought subsided i just look around at the worship atmosphere and at that moment something came over me. I realize that in heaven, there is a mix of worship - women, men, and angels. But for me to close my eyes and just listen to a chorus of women...i can't wait till that part in heaven when the flying worship leader says "alright ladies...it's your turn". There's something different and i can't explain it. Phrases like "daughters of God" begin to form in my mind and it's pretty awesome. Then i realize that they're doing like this 9-part harmony to Amazing Grace. I was like "yeah...you don't hear this when men sing (well maybe with Boyz II Men)"

I'm still just looking around at what is going on and i spot this one section. The section that i always love to look out for in big worship events. It's the section for the deaf folks i think. They're always near the front and there's always one lady signing to them. I'll tell you why i love looking at this section. They look really happy. I mean you'll find men/women during worship and they'll look like they've had the worst day ever but when you look at this deaf section they're genuinely worshipping. Because i don't think you can fake this stuff you know? You don't hear anything so something inside of you must be churnin'. But what gets me all the time is the thought that in heaven...when that day comes when that section is before the throne of God...and when the heavens begin to worship...they hear it. It blows my earthly mind. For all the years of silent worship in their minds and hearts...now they'll finally be able to hear it! To shout it out with a chorus of people in mighty praise.