Redefining Church

Redefining Church │ What is the Church? Like when you stop to think about it…what is this building and these people supposed to accomplish? Because many of us (me included) have grown up in the church all our lives but we rarely sit back and really think about what in the world we’re doing here or what we’re supposed to be doing.

·         Be “good people” │ Romans 3:10 quotes Psalms 14 saying “There is none righteous, no not one”. And then in Isaiah 64:6 says even our attempts of doing “good things” are like filthy rags. I’d explain more but you can come and talk with me later. If this is what scripture tells us why is it that there’s this “rule” that says we have to be perfect? Or at least act like it? The thing is that we can’t…we’re sinful people and we’re utterly and completely hopeless on our own. But “God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ.” (Eph. 2:4-5) Please don’t forget this because when you take the Good News out of church, it gets ugly real fast. We no longer see the Cross of Christ as central…rather it has become about you and I trying to become “morally good people.” That’s not for me coach.

·         Country Club │ We have this mentality that the church for some reason is there for us, to serve us, to make much of us. And I don’t think you would actually come out and say that but just watch how you act. Don’t just watch how you serve…but with what kind of attitude do you serve? Will you sacrifice your own wants and “status” for the sake of the gospel, for this church? What do you think you deserve? Do you think you deserve to be on stage to tell everyone how they should be like you? Are you due all the honor and glory and praise of the people? There are way too many people that want the spotlight and very few who will work the trenches. And I’m not talking about picking up trash once a year and think that you’ve done it all. Where’s the guy who will set up chairs by themselves and not expect any form of recognition or payment? Where’s that guy who says “I’ll serve because I’ve been saved by a great God and King and this is the least I could do”? Where’s the person that will give without thinking about what’s in it for them? I’ll tell you…church life will ALWAYS expose your heart. And for some of us, it’s more about me than Jesus.

·         Rock Stars │ Everyone has a band now and we’re all waiting for the next big thing. And I get it…people get to see you on stage – gawk at your chiseled abs, buy your cds. But here’s the thing again…there’s only one true rock star – he’s the cornerstone and his name is “holy”. We got to stop thinking that our opinions is the only one and if someone doesn’t do it or even “get it” like we do…then they’re stubborn, ignorant, or unspiritual. When you hold that attitude, it goes to show that you have lost sight of everything. Why? Because you don’t extend the same grace that was extended to you when you first started off. And instead of modeling and guiding them biblically…you want them to be like you. When it comes down to it…who runs the church? What I’ve seen is that it’s been opinions that run the church…not biblical understanding, nor pastoral leadership, and much less the Holy Spirit…rather opinions, pragmatics, and rock stars that lead. Please let us run back to a biblical foundation and a biblical understanding of what Church really looks like. And you know what? It’s not always going to make sense – almost every circumstance in scripture doesn’t “make sense” but we’re not called to analyze situations to death and call it “due diligence”. Biblically submit to those God has called to lead this church in an honoring way. 

On Leadership

The concept is a bit strange. Why? Because when Scripture typically address the role of leadership in two ways - elders & deacons. I know there are a billion books out there on leadership principles and I'm all for them but your understanding of ecclesiology (the church) and soteriology (of salvation) should affect how you view leadership. This is what I mean. The invisible, universal church is made up of genuine believers who have been reconciled to God through Jesus Christ. Simply put - Christians. From there a Christian publicly announces their allegiance by way of baptism into a local body - the visible church. *Side note: this is where there must be a distinction between para-church ministries (i.e. InterVarsity, Campus Crusade, Young Life, etc.) and the local church. Because the para-church, by definition, ought to come alongside ("para") and equip the church whereas the believer has membership into a church (where they participate in baptism, communion, and discipline)...but more on that in another document.

So for anyone to call themselves a "christian", there should be this understanding that they were saved from sin, death, and futility and saved to a local body on the path of sanctification (the slow process of dying to self and being made into the image of Jesus). Nobody is converted and is indifferent with their salvation and disregards the covenant community. That's why in 1 Corinthians 12, Paul reminds the church that the body of Christ is "a unit..made up of many parts." So serving, communing, disciplining, and doing life together aren't optional things that the believer can do...they are requirements of church. And if you continue to read the letters to the churches, the authors make it very clear that there's no partiality in the roles. All are called to serve the body. All are commissioned to be "light-bearers" to the world. So let's make sure we understand this important point. Believers enter through membership and are held responsible for the health of the church. On top of this, church structure in 1 Tim. and Titus lays out a system of elders and deacons and that's a whole other document. But i do have a lot of great books and articles on it. But now that you understand the groundwork, here are some things to remember about leadership:

1. The Glory of God, Not You: Do not forget the Gospel. 1 Cor. 9:14; 9:23; Mark 1:1; Phil. 1:16; Col. 1:5. You were saved not because of your greatness, not because of your faith, not because of your ability to be awesome...you were saved because of the grace and love of God. You were counted righteous only because the Son was crushed and the weight of eternal wrath was poured out on the Son. We are bought at the highest price and may we never boast in anything but the Cross of Jesus Christ. But too many people forget this after they become members and more so when they become leaders. They think they have things that might gain favor with God or they think that God Almighty needs their help. It's ridiculous! God has never needed our help and even our "partnership" with him is granted to us by his grace. So don't forget this. This isn't about us and what we can do for the God...there's no room for any shred of pride when it comes to leadership, salvation, or church. It was God who saved and it will be God who deserves the glory.

2. Persevering: What you'll find soon enough in leadership is that it's hard. People won't listen to you. You find your efforts bearing little fruit. Conversion and life change doesn't happen as quickly as you'd like. People seem like they wanna kill you. Your sheep get fat and lazy. Trust me...the first couple of years (maybe weeks) are great. You're new and have all these fresh ideas that might change the world and then after a little while, things just get routine and people in unison go, "NEXT!" It happens to all. I think that's why #1 was so important...because if your foundation is set on the Gospel...then results are just results that God will take care of and criticism can be taken with grace by shouldn't blow your ministry away. What has always helped me was to ask myself, "If everybody dropped out of this ministry that i'm leading...would i still do it?" And time and time again I respond "Absolutely" Not because it's fun watching your ministry blow up...but because your foundation is built on truth and all you are doing is being faithful to what God has commanded you to do. IT WILL BE TOUGH! I and all the pastors will guarantee you that it will be tough...but we also tell you that it is worth it. Persevere my friends like many that have gone before. Fix your eyes on Christ - the perfect example of one who persevered to the very end.

3. Speak the Truth in Love: Your ultimate goal as a leader is to shape and mold. It is NOT to complete an event. For this position, you have been granted the authority and responsibility to direct and equip. So the end goal should be lives changed into the image of God. And you do this by patiently teaching. It's always teaching, teaching, teaching. You're going to need to always be correcting, rebuking, pleading, and feeding your sheep. That's what a leader does. But again, like #2 your sheep will not always be where you're at...and to expect them to be "at your level" is just pride. Why does God grant you the grace to bring you to where you're at when you can't be patient to lead your sheep to that point? Here's the hard part...you can't allow the sheep to get away with everything for the sake of "i want them to like me" or "we need to be relevant" nor can you blow them up for not following the rules. Guide with biblical truth. Why? Because they can always question your authority...but when you bring a higher authority, then they go against that authority. Make sense? But Paul constantly encourages leaders to speak the truth in love.

4. Student Teacher: You must be first a student before/while you teach. We say here all the time that you can’t teach someone what you don’t know. What will happen is that you will end up

knowing all the right answers and teaching all the right answers and you yourself will NOT be living it out. Your soul begins to shrink and you lose all the power of what God has intended you

to possess. You need to constantly be growing, learning, studying, and on your knees asking God to grow you deeper. And here...be humble enough to admit when you're wrong or that you don't know the answers. Because the more you allow biblical guidance to challenge you, you'll see that we have a long way to go. So do your sheep a favor and be honest about it. But don't stop there and just make excuses. Go study for yourself. Find other people who are further along and ask them what you should be studying. Find out who they are reading and find parts of your worldview, theology, doctrine where you're weak and study, learn, and meditate on those things.

The one who uses leadership to bolster their position is in a dangerous position. Desire to lead because the Gospel has penetrated the deepest place of your heart. Lead because you understand that there are sheep that need caring and feeding. Lead with grace, patience, and wisdom that comes from God's revealed Word. And lastly, as you lead...be willing to follow THE leader that is so far greater than you and I. May we lead in such a way that only reflects His glory.

Disciple Now 2011

What was the purpose of DNOW 2011? When the pastors of Memorial Drive, Wilcrest, Garden Oaks, and Chinese Baptist got together to plan Disciple Now 2011 we realized that this was going to be a different event than we were used to. Already we had the understand that the body of Christ stretched further than just our local churches and we have historically been pretty poor at communicating this to our people. We didn't want to run a typical event where we could have just done it by ourselves. So that meant asking the question, "What couldn't we do without these other churches?" After some time of praying and brainstorming it was clear that our purpose was to fully integrate the efforts of the church in planning and thoroughly mix the youth. We figured that our students go to the same schools anyway...what if we got them to see it for themselves? So many times our youth think that Jesus is only this group or for this social class. Our racism and arrogance is bigger than anyone wants to admit. Our purpose was to crush that.

How did we get our theme "Unified"? Revelation 7:9-12 was our vision. We wanted to push a gospel-centered weekend where the students came and despite color, class, cash, and cool they saw that the CROSS unified them all. It's still our vision for this city and for our churches. It is why we will continue to partner with gospel-centered ministries throughout the city so that this city might be won for God's glory and his renown.

What was it like from a pastor's POV? I was extremely excited to be working with MDBC and SWBC again. Last year it went well and I knew that this year we knew where to focus. This year we joined up with Wilcrest Baptist and we knew their reputation was a true multi-ethnic church (which was perfect). For me, I really enjoyed watching how other youth pastors think, organize, and plan. Not only during the event did I get to see their interaction with students and leaders, but the prep part was probably my favorite. Honestly, I remember when i could take the stage and go for hours and hours with all these creative games to keep students engaged and whatever, but I get up there now and go, "man...i'm really rusty and gettin' old". So it was good to see younger guys just get up there and just do it.

Did we accomplish what we set out to do? For the most part, i think we did a great job. I think from CBC, about 85% actually took their role seriously. I wish we were able to expect the same from the other students that came with us or even the students there, but that just wasn't the case. That doesn't mean it was bad...it's just what it is. The thing i keep hearing from our students was, "Man, it was hard getting to talk to them AND maintaining conversation." But I need to remind you that whether we accomplished our goals there isn't the most important thing...it was whether we were changed from the inside. What i mean is that we could have done everything we were supposed to do there, but when we're back into our routine, have we changed how we look at people now? Does this change how we function at CBC? That's the important part.

Thoughts on our counselors and leaders? I was probably the most excited for this group. Why? Because i knew that they were going to be challenged the most. Probably on several of levels - 1) on the fact that this event would expose a lot of their own heart. It's easy to teach racism and prejudice but to own up to it as a leader is hard; 2) they would be challenged by other leaders and students. I remember telling them very early that this DNOW is going to challenge you more than you'd want it to. Because the other students haven't been taught like ours. Their way of life is different. Their theology might even differ. But it is your job to still teach and guide with all patience. And it was fun because we threw them in a mixed-church small group with another leader outside of CBC (with different teaching styles & discipline). Talk about the fast track of sanctification.

So now what? I've told our leadership that there are several levels of progress here. We go from missions to community to discipleship to service. But from missions to community takes a lot of hard work. You first get to know them through very surface level talk. Then it gets a bit deeper after some times has passed and then you share issues that really matter. After that you begin to do life with them (community). These things take time and a lot of work. It's always easier to just sit back and wait for another event to be "challenged" but what's the use? So the idea is to understand that this Gospel commands us to interact and to fellowship with believers. I trust that as you push harder into this Gospel...the shades of arrogance might lose it's grasp and then you might see what Christ sees.

Face to Face with Reality: Part 2

I think the easiest thing about being a church-goer was that there wasn't really anything to it. Like go and attend and that's pretty much it. I mean, people would tell me what to do and what not to do...but for the most part I never really cared about what they said. And I expose this part of my journey because I think many of us are here. Where it's easy to believe certain things and even pretend to abide by them but there's something drastically different between knowing something and acting upon it.

Saturday night rolled around and like most Saturdays i'm trying to prepare my mind for the long and exhausting Sunday that is to come. All of the sudden I get a call from an unknown Houston number. I don't think about it and I answer it. "Hey...is Justin there?" the caller asks. "Yeah, this is Justin...what's up?" "It's Michael...the homeless guy." At first i had no clue what was going on and honestly, i thought one of my youth was pulling a prank call on me. But then i realized that i had given this homeless guy my business card with my number on it. We chat for awhile and I was trying to figure out what he was calling about and more importantly what for. He really didn't say much...just that he was having a tough week and out of nowhere i go, "Hey man...what are you doing tomorrow? Would you want to go to church with me?" And i'm not really sure what made me do it but I just felt that perhaps i might be able to talk to him in person. But funny enough he goes "alright" and i tell him where our church is located and i feel bad about this next part. He goes "wait a minute...i need to write the directions on the back of my sign". And at that moment i tell him to forget it and i'll just pick him up and drive him to church.

I hang up the phone and my mind kind of goes all over the place. 1) because i've never done anything like this and 2) i start thinking about the "what ifs". The biggest thing that continue to filter into my mind was "what if the church doesn't receive him?" Like i'll play his side and i know scripture time and time again commands us to practice hospitality and to show love to the world - and this was definitely it. I knew in my gut that this is what i was supposed to do biblically. And i think this is going to have to be my filter for the rest of my decisions for the rest of my life. Because that night as i was trying to put a handle of the situation many people were telling me that this wasn't a "wise" idea because "what if the church isn't ready for him? what if he's dirty and smelly? what if he endangers people?" Just a week ago someone came up to me and told me that they found people smoking on our property that attended some of our church events. And they were furious with the situation and wanted us to kick them out because "it might ruin the reputation of our church and this isn't who we are". I kind of stood there and was just dumbfounded. Wait...this isn't the church? Seriously? You're telling me that we're only supposed to take care of people when it's convienent for us? My first impulse was to go to scripture and there i found the parable of the good samaritan. What you have is a man trying to justify himself with religion and the hard in-your-face question that is addressed is "who is my neighbor?". I read that story and i realize that the samaritan (the one who helps in the story) he's put in an unreal situation. Already two religious, powerful men pass by the beat-stranger and yet the samaritan stops, puts him in his car...drives him to the nearest hotel and stays with him over night. Can you imagine that? Do you know what my momma would do to me if i told her i did something like that? But yet the parable conveys the lesson - your neighbor is ANYONE that is in need.

Sorry, back to my story. I talk with Tina about it and though she understands where i'm coming from and the biblical rendering she still worries for my safety. Which...i'm alright with. So i ask Brandon to follow me in the morning in his car. We get there at 8:45 at his "place" and he comes out and the first thing i notice is that he had a can of beer in his hand. I didn't say anything about it, nor would i have, but he goes "man...i'm sorry. I don't mean to offend you by bringing this beer" I guess he thought beer offends christians. So he puts down the beer and he apologizes once again and pulls out another beer from his pocket. haha...i couldn't have cared less but it just makes for a funny story. Anyways i ask him if it would be alright if brandon and i just go to breakfast to just chat. And so we spend the morning over chorizo and listening to his story. The first thing i notice about him was the smell and even after dropping him off for the day my car still smelled as such. And you know...it's not pleasant, but it's reality right?

You know...after breakfast and just chatting with brandon about the whole morning and experience made me think a lot about life, christianity, and homeless people. I think a lot of time we like to compartamentalize these three and i found myself forgetting a lot of lessons that i've learned throughout life about this. But i told myself i'd try to remember, so i'm writing these lessons down...in part 3

Before you judge me...

I was asked by our church council to detail out everything that I did at my job. And i was afraid of doing this because i don't want to solicit sympathy nor do i want to invoke pride. I was heckled by people that said youth ministry was "easy", that i don't do anything, or that they can do a better job. I don't know if you can or cannot...i'm just saying that you take a look at this before you judge me. This is what swirls my mind every day that i'm held accountable for:

Church Proper:

• Staff Meetings
• Deacon's Meetings
• Setup/Cleanup
  
• Open/Close building
• Preaching & teaching
• Major events
  

Youth Ministry:

• Prepare, implement, and execute Sunday school curriculum
• Prepare, implement, and execute philosophy & vision
  
• Prepare, implement, and execute Small Groups
• Oversee ACCESS (Middle school ministries)
• Equip and train Sunday school teachers
  
• Equip and train ACCESS leaders
• Equip and train Administration team
• Equip and train Servant team
• Equip and train Junior Servant team
• Discipleship with High school students
• Discipleship with Middle school students
• Parents Ministry: Equip and train parents
  
• Parents Ministry: Communication & networking
• Prepare, implement, and execute Missions Trip
• Prepare, implement, and execute Summer Camp
• Prepare, implement, and execute Winter Retreat
• Prepare, implement, and execute Fall, Spring, and Summer Event
• Provide counseling & recovery for youth
• Provide counseling & recovery for youth leader
  
• Provide counseling & recovery for parents
• Update communications
• Network with Chinese church association
• Network with Jersey Village association
• Network with Baptist association
• Provide support for college leaders
• Provide support for missionaries & seminarians
• Recruit new Sunday school teachers
• Recruit new discipleship leaders
• Recruit new accountability leaders
• Recruit new administration leaders
• Plan for future events, leadership, and students
  

Study:

• Hermeneutic of Scripture
• Hermeneutic of Church history
• Hermeneutic of Systematic Theology
• Study of Pop Culture
• Study of News
• Study of Religion

Personal:

• Discipleship
• Mentorship
• Accountability
• Exercise
• Networking
• Missions
• Sabbath
• Relationship
• Family
• Finances & Equity
  

From the Church to the Church | A Testimony by: Justin Wong

The Path to Nowhere Fast: There’s a part of me that chuckles when I stop and realize where I am in life. Growing up in an overtly religious context of Southern Baptistism, I was quickly immersed in “all things Christian” straight out of the womb. In one hand I would have strained beans and in the other I would have a baby New Testament.

My parents came as immigrants from Hong Kong looking for an American education at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. It was my mother who wanted to pursue her Master’s in church music and my father followed her and decided “Oh well, I might as well get a degree while I’m here”. Ironically enough, it was my dad who decided to pursue the whole ministry deal. And in the middle of studying Greek exegesis and surviving off of Church's Fried Chicken, my parents graciously allowed me to join the journey (if you know what I mean). It turned out that I would come back to the same seminary, almost the same apartment, that I was raised in (but more on that later).

As a pastor’s kid I saw “The Game”. I learned very quickly the in’s and out’s of church polity and religionism. I knew you were supposed to call everyone sir and ma’am (well “uncle” and “aunt” in our Chinese world) and you were never supposed to talk back to deacons. This was my path for 12-13 years…I mean my folks were pastor people, I really couldn’t do much else.

So I did what every typical pimple-faced, adolescent growing up in church did – youth camps, bible studies, DNow. I must have collected like 29081 t-shirts and bibles during this time. I honestly thought that that was what Christianity and Jesus was all about. It was a collection of bible stories about these heroes in the Bible, not cursing in church, not smoking pot, not talking back to deacons, and memorizing “Friends are friends forever”. And the thing was I pulled that façade off perfectly. I mean, I knew what to say, what not to say, how to dress, and pretty much play the game. But soon enough it got really exhausting really fast. You know that feeling where you can do something on the outside but inside, you knew you were a liar? Or you get to a place where you’re just doing things for the sake of doing things? I hated that feeling. It felt like a perpetual cycle of selling out, but the worst part about it was that I didn’t know what to do about it. Little did I know, my frustration with church and religion was about to lead me down another path.

Captivated: God revealed himself to me late into my junior year of high school. After learning and understanding all the facts for so long, the Holy Spirit struck a chord with me and it was over. What I mean is that Jesus became a real person to me; I actually & literally trusted that he died to bear my sins. At that moment, I realized my life was completely empty and wholly frustrating and I knew that nothing on this earth really brought fulfillment. But in the person and life of Jesus I found that. I finally knew him; not just know about him. As I look back at my “conversion” experience, it’s always interesting because I realize that it is not about understanding, but rather the working of a sovereign God calling me as his child to himself despite who I was. And who would have known right? I mean, growing up as a pastor’s kid, people would just assume that I floated around with the Holy Spirit and had audible conversations with Jesus. It isn’t like that though…apparently, that was my time and God captivated my heart, unveiled my eyes, and drew me unto himself.

Baggage, Drama, and Frustration: And here comes the irony. Even though Christ saved me and redeemed me there was all this “baggage” I carried with me from my past. It was so confusing though because in church we would hear of these testimonies that once Christ saved you, you would never struggle again and all your problems would be gone. But for me the story went a lot differently. I mean, Christ saved me yes but all of that “baggage” was still there…which frustrated me even more.

The thing with growing up in church and as a pastor’s kid is that you see every facet of the church world. You don’t attend once a week and that’s it. It’s every day – meetings, fellowship, camps, bible studies, and phone calls like none other. And my sister and I experienced the drama of church at a very early age. We would hear members of our church call and leave messages on our answering machine telling my dad just how lousy a pastor he was and that he should quit. And I remember thinking to myself, “What in the world!? Stupid sheep biting its shepherd that’s leading them?” And I see it all over the place in the church world (any everywhere else I suppose). Why? Because it’s so easy to criticize when you’re not the one who’s responsible. It’s pride right? “I can do things better than that that. Even though I have no experience or studying, everyone should listen to me because I sit back and just talk without any action”. I suppose it is Romans 1 being manifested on a human-to-human level. I got so frustrated with church people. I did. And the more I saw it and honestly, the more I saw my dad not fight back and take it, the angrier I got with the church. I remember thinking, “I love God and will follow Jesus…but there’s no way I’m ever going to be a pastor”. No way. It’s a lot of mess without any reward (more on this later). So I headed out to do what every typical Chinese-American is meant to do – medicine.

Our family wasn’t of the elite social strata (well I mean, my dad was a pastor my whole life and my mother was a part-time piano teacher) so finances were always tight in our household. So I applied to Houston Baptist University the spring semester of my senior year of high school. Yes, I know that wasn’t the most responsible thing to do (Seniors, apply early) I knew that they offered a sweet scholarship for pastor’s kids and I had the chance to stay home and save money. I was all set in my biology/business major and the plan was to get out in four and apply to medical school and make billions (just kidding…gajillions)

Joining the Fight: This time it was my junior year of undergraduate when God decided to take me for a spin. By this time my parents had left our home church in Houston and pursued a starting church in Atlanta, Georgia. Chinese Baptist Church in Houston had been without a youth pastor for a good 6 years and because my friends and I grew up in youth ministry, it was appropriate that the church would ask us to help out. So we did. We started to plan events for the youth group, teach bible studies, and lead small groups. And the funny thing was that I smelled it coming - this ministry thing. I was like “Uh oh…they’re going to suck me in and then I’ll have to be a pastor and then I’ll have to get a comb-over.”I fought it off as long as I could, but during a winter retreat back in 2002 that I had organized I stood in the back of the room during worship and looked over the youth and thought to myself, “If I could do this for a living, I would”. And so I joined the fight.

When God called me into the ministry it wasn’t a calling to a job or a career. I had all these reservations that I had to ponder and fight though. “How am I going to survive financially? Don’t you remember what happened to your parents? Do you even know anything about the Bible?” Tough call. I think if you study biblical leadership and historical callings of men and women who went into the ministry, they realized that they couldn’t do anything else but go into the ministry. For me it was the same way…it was the most satisfying, efficient, and effective thing I could do. So when God called me into the ministry, he called (and equipped) me specifically to fulfill the role of the pastor. This isn’t a position at a business, it’s not a default, back-up role that you just so-happen to assume, but it’s a divine calling placed on someone’s life. I don’t know how many times I come across people who think being a pastor is taking on a job. For me it is a calling placed on my life from God to dedicate the rest of my time to equipping the saints for the works of service. It is a hard, humiliating, prophet-esque, grateful position that I wouldn’t ever pass up.

Positioning Myself: I can remember a time in my walk where everything was so peaceful and I felt so connected. But recently I have yet to feel that experience and I wonder why. Like the early gusto of my faith has faded into routine and meetings (it’s always meetings that do it to you) I know that I am to position myself under the waterfall of God but I know I am lazy. I'm too lazy to study scripture at times and too lazy to listen to sermons (those that have historically brought me to that place). So maybe I’m just making excuses for me not wanting to be there and instead I just want an instant quick-fix. Are you like that? Have you been positioning yourself or do you want a quick fix? Are there sins of commission and sins of omission that you have been avoiding/committing? Do you know what you ought to do and yet refuse it? Is that what is really going on? It is for me friend. I'm lazy right now and I can justify it till the monkeys fall off the tree. But I know this stuff doesn't come without work. And now I realize that it truly is my joy that is at stake. And i've heard it time and time again but Jesus really does line you up with how things are...how things are created...and it truly is the best possible life that we're chasing. The fracture happened at Genesis 3 with sin and Jesus stands in that gap and now we look towards him for that fulfillment.

The Weight of Pastoring: I feel like sometimes it’s just easier to quit. I sit here and find myself completely overwhelmed with the pressures and anxieties of ministry. It’s always meeting after meeting and event after event. And what’s frustrating is that I can see other people’s ministry and I see that it works – like people are coming to know Jesus and not just church. They’re being connected with one another and it seems so well-functioned. And I’m like “I wish we were there…” But I think God continues to show me more of himself in this. And the more I complain the more God just says, “Do you have short-term memory or something? Look at all the things I have blessed you with and all the moments where I shone brightest”. It’s so true though. I can’t do anything else now…believe me, I tried to step away and go another direction. But in my heart and in my mind I know that for me, this is it. You know that feeling when you’ve experienced something and you can’t recover from it? I think that is how I am on this journey. I have experienced just a little bit of Jesus and I can’t settle for anything less. There is joy in that though…and perhaps I’ll be able to get to that point in my life where I count it all but loss and would rather to depart and be with the King. I mean, my mind is there…but my heart is still inconsistent with it. Until then I continue to have faith guide my feet and wisdom guide my heart…for great is our Lord Jesus who has overcome the world.

Nominalism

Nominalism: I think what happens to most people is they begin to believe that religion and the gospel is the same thing so they start equating spiritualistic actions with a regenerated heart. And i think they've got it backwards...you don't do these set of actions in order to gain the favor of God, you are truly regenerated, gospel-enveloped and the understanding of who you are in Christ translates into how you live your life. I'm so convinced now that the reason why we don't see movement within the church is because of a terrifying fact - no regeneration. There's a lot of folk who have said a "prayer" but have no heart that has been penetrated by the gospel. How do i know that? Because biblically and historically, people who have an encounter with the gospel cannot live a nominal life. Those who have "accepted Christ" in fear of hell suppress the torment of hell but in reality that is only a topical medication that never really got to the root of the problem. As Matt Chandler says, "Heaven isn't for those who are afraid of hell, heaven is a place for those who love God". And the great theologians of history have understood the slow process of santification comes with some objective evidences - a sorrow over sin, a constant need of Jesus to reign, a love of his word, transformed heart that leads to a different worldview and the actions that follow...I've come to fear and be terrified with the verses that continue to say "broad is the path to destruction and many find it but narrow is the path to life and few find it" and "there will be many on that day that will come to me and say 'lord, lord..." and i [Jesus] will say 'depart from me for i do not know you'". But it's so easy to get wrapped up in religiousity...doing what is supposed to be done and not doing what you're not supposed to do. But in the end, living the nominalistic lifestyle doesn't bring about any more life! in fact it's the worst way to go out because you can't enjoy blatant sin nor could you enjoy the fullness of life. So where do you go from here? I think you seriously need to sit down and really do some soul searching - "am i really full-on saved by the gospel? or do i just know a checklist of religion? Do i really know the savior or do i just know about him?" I think scripture has it everywhere...the man who finds a pearl in a field and sells everything and buys the field...or the disciples that leave everything behind and follows after Jesus. Or...you can shut off your soul to this - not think, numb your mind and soul even if it shouts out to you...you can make your excuses - "i'll just wait till later to make a decisions...let me do this or that first and then i'll commit". I tell you it's not because Jesus wants to supress your life but because when you fall at his feet and admit that you can't, surrender your life to him he promises that his way of life is far greater, far more rewarding, far more satisfying than anything else. Nomalism will just drive you into the ground...in the end, it doesn't help anyone.