How do you fight?

1. What's the point? Remember, when you're talking about things...always remember what the bigger purpose is. For us, it's about the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Don't forget that our life here is temporary and we look forward to a future when all things are made new. I know that when people are living in their selfish, prideful bodies...they tend to focus on what is right in front of them. They let their emotions own them and they totally forget why there were arguing in the first place. Don't forget the bigger picture.
2. Issue not Person: When you're talking with people it's way too easy to make everything personal. Emotions fly and things go everywhere. When you argue...argue the issue, not the person. Don't make up things that are not there or that you don't know about. We tend to do that when we make assumptions as to how they think or what they do. The worst part is when we go on making all these conclusions and speculations as to what we "think" they are/will doing/do. Also, when you are talking with the person...go to that person. Third-party arguments (i.e. hearing from other sources, email, texting) are a shallow substitute for actual dialogue. Beware of thinking the worst of the other person. Be quick to show grace and forgiveness. 
3. Study for yourself: When you're dealing with an issue...make sure you have studied it yourself. It's always kinda weird when I hear someone explaining something and it's totally wrong. Make sure you have read the thing in its right context. Be fair when you present both sides of the argument. But more importantly...come to a conviction about your stance on your own rather than following someone else's opinion. You need to, at the end of the day, have your own thoughts about things...this is where study comes into play. Yes it's hard and tedious to go and learn yourself...but it's how we grow.
4. Be flexibly solid: As you study more and more and as the Holy Spirit continues to reveal truths to you...you're going to develop convictions about things. It's what you believe. You've studied it and you've come to your conclusion. That's a good thing. However, always be open to refining and shaping your thoughts. You might not have considered the other side of the argument. Allow for some flexibility to change when you come across something that might challenge you.
5. Fight like family: When you discuss topics...remember who you are dealing with. If they are believers in Jesus Christ...it's family. Yes you might disagree with them on how they interpret things...but in the end, they are your brothers and sisters and you can and will worship with them for eternity. Don't you ever elevate certain parts of your theology at the expense of other theology. Like don't get all worked up about "limited atonement" or "unlimited atonement" and neglect Romans 12:10 where it says "love one another with brotherly love". Your heart matters whens you talk about things. Don't forget that you are also commanded to equip and train the saints for the work of the ministry.
6. The Goal: Just like the first point...the goal of you arguing things (if there is a bigger purpose) is NOT to win. If all you want to do is win the argument...then your heart is wrong. Because you don't care about the other person and maybe you've made up all these things about them...and you just want to prove that either you're right or they are wrong. Your heart is off. What's the purpose then of arguments? Ultimately for the refining and sanctification of the Church. The point of conflict in Matthew 18 is restoration and reconciliation. That is your end goal....not to win your argument. 

"Count it joy..."

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. 

James 1:2-4   

There are times when you read a verse and it does nothing to you aside from a good fortune cookie line. Then there are times when the verse punches you in the soul. There will be times that you receive the consequences of your actions. Those are coming for you. You deserve it. But there will be times when people (even those you trust) punch you in the soul. And i've realized that some of those are birth out of betrayal and some are birth out of misconceptions. They draw up this picture of you...or take something you kind of said...and just beat the trash out of you (the fake you).

But James encourages us...count it all joy. He's not talking about faking happiness here. He's talking about remembering/thinking through what it means to possess joy. This kind of joy isn't something that shows up and leaves. It's not acquired at an instance. Rather it's more of a foundation on which you stand and weathers any storm. When do we "count it joy?" when you meet trials of various kinds. If you read a bit more into the text...he's actually talking about all these different trials that "fall upon you." These aren't consequences that you created for yourself. These are ones that seem "random" in our life. But here's the thing...if we are God's children...trials aren't random. Actually, God sends them our way not because He hates us...but because He wants to grow us and in the end allow us to taste joy. 

I know some of you believers are going through a difficult journey right now...and you can't seem to find the light at the end of the tunnel. You feel like God has left you and you're stuck trying to survive on your own. I know...it's hard. I'm there right now. Sometimes people (even God's people) are crazy. They act like the "older brother." but i need you remember some things though - regardless of what they do you to, remember the Gospel. Remember that it was for your sins AND their sins that Christ died for. That Jesus went to the cross with all of that junk in mind. Remember your example that you follow. Don't forget that He was unjustly beat to death...mocked... accused of things that didn't make any logical sense...and killed. But don't forget that He prayed for you in John 17. He prayed that you would remember what this whole thing is about. That it's about His Church that would display his manifold wisdom to the world. 

So endure with faithfulness my brothers and sisters. Pray for your enemies (even if they are within your walls). Ask the Holy Spirit to be the one that brings wisdom to his people. Don't let any root of bitterness sprout and destroy. Continue to faithfully teach what is true and never be satisfied with spiritual shallowness. It has been an insanely difficult time for me...but i write this to you saying that i trust Him. I trust that Jesus is better than anything i would have done and that He's better than my circumstances. 

Questions with purposeful adverbs

1. Have you been intentionally pursuing depth in your life? Have you been idly settling for routine? Where is your desire? What have you been doing with your time?
   
2. Are you currently investing in honest community? Do people really know know you? Have you moved past the surface and down into a deeper sphere of sharing? What have you been hiding from people? Are you known?
   
3. Do you serve with humble generosity? Have you sacrificed your time or money lately? Are your service directed towards others? How about others who "don't deserve it"? How about others who you dislike? Do you serve them? Are you over-serving and need to purposefully rest?
   
4. Where are you missionally engaging the culture? Are you aware of your sphere of influence? Do you pray for that person you sit next to? Do you want that person you pass by in the hallway to be saved? Are you avoiding conversations?
   
5. Are you mindfully equipping the saints? Have you been selfish with your knowledge and wisdom? Do you dream for the next generation? Have you let sin continue unchecked within the body of Christ? Have you been fulfilling your role as discipler?
   
6. Do you desperately yearn to seek what is true? Have you been neglecting the mind at the cost of entertainment? What areas of study have you been avoiding?
   
7. Have you relentlessly begged God to move? Or do you still operate on your own strengths and talents? Do you remember what God has done in the past?