I hope you don't mind me e-mailing you. Some emails ended up in my hand and it was quite intriguing to read and i felt the need to respond. I hope you don't mind.
First off, i want you to know that you and i come from very similar backgrounds...i mean, we have both been at church all our lives and heard the same things over and over and over again. We've seen the monotony of church life and church folk and yeah, we both feel like somehow...things are just kinda fabricated. I mean, everyone can't always be "fine" right? Surely there's someone nicked up somewhere that's pretending to be all good. But i gotta ask myself...ok, so these people are fake...so what? What does this person being fake have to do with me? Doesn't God say to love our neighbor?...ok, but who's my neighbor? well...i think in Luke 10 Jesus says our neighbor is the samaritan - our enemies...hey, maybe even that hypocrite at church. I know and have experienced it all myself ...and some things i can't explain - why people are the way they are, but i'd have to say...you can't judge God by people.
Hey...i can tell you about how you should do this and do that in order to "get close" to God...i mean, really...i can. But you know what? i'd totally be setting you up for failure. Do you find yourself trapped some times? Like you want to really know God and experience Him the way other people experience and know him..but you're just not there? And so we try and try to work ourself to that place...we read more ofthe Bible, and do more quiet times...but in the end we dont' feel any closer than when we first started. So you find yourself wanted to give up? My real advice would be just that...give up. Nowhere in the Bible does God ask you to do it yourself...He doesn't want you to clean yourself up before you go to him...he just says come all you who are weary, who are tired...andi'll give you rest. That's the good news man...not that we have to fix ourselves...but we just come as we are.
i know you're feeling that God has abandoned you...or maybe you're even questioning if he's real or not. And i won't argue apologetics with you...but simply ask you, how is that type of life treating you? how is it trying to fix everything yourself and searching for something to fill that void? ecclessiates 3:11 says God has put that void in there so that you might know him. And hey, can i be honest with you? it's more than just salvation...it's more than just sunday school and church...what's at stake is your joy man. Maybe you need to be honest with God right now...tell him youre angry...tell him about your doubts.
Maybe tonight, you'll find freedom in knowing you can'tdo anything...and He does it all. Ask him to be real in your life...it's sorta of like the ganduer of the grand canyon...words and pictures don't do i j ustice, you'd have to experience it for yourself. And that's what i'm asking you to join me in...this crazy, painful, wonderful life...
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