Ephesians 6:1-4 (Sermon Outline)

Passage: Ephesians 6:1-4 “Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother,’ which is the first commandment with promise: ‘that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.’ And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” (NKJV)

Main idea: Obedience should characterize a Christian home

Introduction: Story of a boy with long hair wanting a car.

Background: I guess before we start we have to take a look at the context of this passage. I would be easy if this section was just chapter in a book but it’s not…it’s part of a letter. Actually, the letter was written to the recent Gentile converts in Ephesus. And Ephesus was like Austin, Texas of ancient Asia Minor. And what you find there is a huge metropolis, all sorts of religions, and people…it was your cultural melting pot back in the day. And in the middle of all of this you have this church trying to thrive in the midst of all these competing things. So they send out a request for help…someone to explain to them how things are suppose to work…what should they do, not do? And one day in the mail they get a letter by Paul…and it’s a short letter, but very thorough. In it they are reminded that they were chosen by God, they were redeemed by Jesus, and they are sealed by the Holy Spirit. They are told that both Jew and Gentile are united in Christ by grace through faith…and that through them – the church…they show the world God’s wisdom. They continue to read on…they should act as one body, not behaving like they use to, but submitting to each out of reverence for Christ. And while the letter reader continues to read a child in the crowd gets restless and nudges his father “I’m bored! It’s hot…there are ants crawling into my pants” And the father, trying to listen, gets frustrated and yells out, “BOY! You better listen or else I’m going to sell you to the nearest vendor”. And the letter reader continues…

1. “Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right”

Observation: Children are put in the same position as wives and slaves. There is a biblical model of submission that takes place between the child and the parent. Much like a wife must be willing to submit in order for her husband to lead her, a child must also submit to their parents.

Explanation: “Children” here refer to those born of human parents. None of us can really escape this categorization. The first imperative is for the child to “obey” – it is the same word in (6:5) in regards to slaves. Whenever Paul uses the word “hupakouete” only 5 times – it is either in reference to children or slaves. Obeying is in reference to submitting to one’s authority you are under. It is not that all freedom is lost, but that it models how God has ordered things. “Because you are under the care, provision, and protection of your parents…obey”. In Colossians 3:20, Paul says, “Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.” But Paul doesn’t carelessly say “obey your parents” so that you may appease them, but “obey your parents in the Lord”. Paul is reiterating 5:21 when he says we are to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ”. He concludes his first command with an addendum, why should children obey their parents? He answers, “For it is right”. There is an ordered law mandated by God to be followed. Like intricately designed puzzle pieces, God has specifically carved and shaped the way a child and parent should interlock with one another.

Argumentation: But what if your parents tell you to go against what you know to be biblically wrong? 1 Peter 2:21 says, “For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps” Our authority comes first and foremost from God. It is he who governs and it is he who judges.

Illustration: Growing up as a child and refusing my parents’ instructions…and later regretting it.

Application: Children often have a very limited view of reality. What they understand has not expanded beyond what they interact with or perhaps it is emulsified by the popular sludge being presented on television. We usually suppose that we have all the answers…that our way is better. Parents don’t know anything right? Culture has far lapped them centuries ago what knowledge could they possibly understand about my world? Ironic though isn’t it? We question the intelligence of the ones who gave birth to us. Parents do know than their children…why? Because they have outlived you, if anything they raised you. Should we really plug our ears and refuse their instruction?

2. ‘Honor your father and mother,’ which is the first commandment with promise: ‘that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.’

Observation: The command is taken from the Ten Commandments given by God to Moses for the nation of Israel. More specifically, Paul is quoting from Deut. 5:16. The command to honor your father and mother remains as one of the central tenants of God’s law. According to Scripture, Christ has sufficiently fulfilled the law and it is through Christ we stand justified. Christ has also redefined murder and adultery as matter of the heart…yet God has still commanded that we must honor our father and mother. I find it odd that in passages like the Ten Commandments and in Romans 1:30, those that are key texts, honoring your father and mother are lumped in with serious commands. Why is this command so serious?

Explanation: Paul uses this word “honor” only twice in his epistles (the other time in 1 Tim. 5:3 when he’s talking about widows). This is second command in this paragraph addressing children and parents. He is quoting from Deut. 5:16. The promise given in Exodus 20:12 was more of a national promise rather than an individual one. The obedience given to parents by their children ensured a survival within the Promised Land. However, there is mention of a long life (great age of individuals – c.f. Deut. 6:2; 22:7; 1 Kings 3:14). Calvin notes that fellow men or neighbors are to be loved: parents, on the other hand, are to be honoured and feared; reverence is to be shown to them with heart, mouth, and hand – in thought, word, and deed. The term “father and mother” are closely related to that of those who are founders, protectors, and promoters of our spiritual life, such as prophets and teachers.

When Moses was giving the Israelites these commands, it was just before they were to enter the Promised Land. They were to learn, understand, and apply these laws so that when they arrive at the Promised Land, they would know how to act. Could this crucial commandment be for the physical and spiritual preservation of the nation? How do you “honor your father and mother?” and how is that different than “obeying” them? Honoring one’s parents is an action done when nobody brings it up. Obeying is the result of a request or a demand on behalf of the parent, honor, on the other hand, is an involuntary action that is on the part of the child. It is unspoken, it is much much deeper. While you can get away with begrudgingly submitting to your parents…you cannot honor them with that same attitude. But Paul notes that with proper actions come promises. What is the promise? The promise is that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth. Notice that these are conditional statements…it follows the “if…then” formula.

Illustration: Negative: children suing their parents; resenting parental control. It is also providing for them when they can no longer provide for themselves. And it is not talking about just sending them money once in awhile. Personal example – being embarrassed with them in public (Olive Garden)

Application: Do you heed their warnings? Do you get frustrated when you talk to your parents? When was the last time you’ve done something for them when it wasn’t expected of you? Have you passed on some of their knowledge to the next generation?

3. And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”

Observations: He continues his teaching by addressing the fathers. It’s interesting that he doesn’t address mothers. While commentators have said that “fathers” here mean both “mom and dad”…the text doesn’t really allow you to do that. It specifically says “fathers”. I found that in listing fathers here, God is continuing his universal imagery of a husband-wife; Christ-church; Master-slave relationship. It seems as though God is holding the father responsible for the leadership not only of his family, but of his children. The first imperative here is a negative one.

Explanation: In that culture back then in Ephesus…a Father had every right over their children. By Roman law of patria potestas a father had life and death over his household. It was even said that unwanted babies were thrown out because of deformities and such. Studies show that delinquency is not a result of MTV, drugs, violence in movies, gangs…but it is rooted in dysfunctional families. The command here for fathers to “not provoke your children to wrath”. Other versions read “do not provoke/exasperate your child to anger”. It can also be translated “make resentful”. This word suggest a repetition of actions done by one person. Normally the child doesn’t explode on the parents after one instance…it usually takes a constant pecking at their soul. Like a stubborn bird, the parent continues to chip away at the soul of their child. With every confrontation without explanation…the parent-child bond becomes more and more fragile until one day…the child breaks away.

But how? How does the father provoke their children or have them resent his authority? I think the text gives us a hint by saying “but”…why do your children not listen to you? Because you didn’t “ektrephete” (train them up from childhood) – which includes discipline and correction; nor did you “nouthesia” (instruct/admonish) – which includes avoidance/cessation of an improper course of conduct. 1) Fathers are to train them from childhood. This passage screams out Deut. 6:7-9 “"You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. ⁸ "You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. ⁹ "You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” More than your child needs a friend, he needs a parent. Where else is he going to learn these things? Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.” Gather the people to Me, and I will let them hear My words, that they may learn to fear Me all the days they live on the earth, and that they may teach their children.' (Deut 4:10); 2) This word “instruction” envelops the idea of “avoidance/cessation of an improper course of conduct”. Fathers are also to be held accountable for their child’s behavior “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of correction will drive it far from him.” (Prov. 22:15). It is only loving that a father sees his own child heading towards destruction and does anything he can so that his son doesn’t die.

Illustration: God commands fathers to teach their children in the same way he teaches you and I…he says, “Come, you children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD.” (Ps 34:11);

Argumentation: “But my son won’t listen to me” – our call as fathers is to faithfully fulfill our role regardless how our children act. God does not say “Well do these things only if your child will listen…” “But I don’t want to cause my child any pain” or “I’ll just someone who is more qualified do it”.

Application: How do you do discipline in your home? If you’re single…do you know how you would do it? Do you know what your child/teenager is going through? Have you lost the connection with your child either through constant fighting or lost of trust? It is wrong, if not outright sinful to provide for your family at the cost of your family. When the father neglects his responsibility he is not only adding to the destruction of society, but he is preaching a false gospel. When a father doesn’t teach his kid, discipline him, correct him…is he not communicating a false gospel? It challenges the manifold wisdom of God.